Came what may…

So it looks like I should have followed my instincts, go with my guts…. And “drop him off the curb” a couple of weeks ago…maybe when I told him I was sick and he chose not to see me to avoid the slight chance of getting sick. Why didn’t I? Don’t know and won’t waste time thinking about it either.

Since I’ve been all about saying what I need to say, I guess I should not hold myself back and write. Not out of resentment, I guess if you take him out of the equation and put someone else in his place I would be feeling the same way, but out of “put it out in the world, and things will get back into place”.

I guess I knew the moment the door opened that there was nothing else there…well, I guess we both knew. Why did he have to speak his peace and ruin what could have been a better way to end the evening off, and everything else for what matters, I don’t know. I do know that HE wanted to make sure I knew that HE just didn’t feel the same way, HE has all these other things HE wants/needs to do, and that HE just wanted to say it in person because HE has to learn how to deal with “this type of situation”? I guess I had seen A,B,C things about him and had missed, or ignored D,E,F, which included selfishness. Ouch! Then again, not resentment, just putting it out there for there world….

My nice side would say that underneath it all HE is still a nice guy and that at some point he might have got scared or overwhelmed , but my “out of my comfort zone” side just thinks that well, it was meant to be the way it did. I had to step out, jump, take a leap… and learn the hard way.

I learned that I should never, ever “make a priority someone for whom I’m only an option”… (Although this one looks more like a reminder that hopefully next time I’ll remember). I also learned that sticking with my instincts will save me time, energy and efforts. And that, although I might not know which of the three or why, HE came into my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I know I could have said this yesterday, but it probably wouldn’t have come out this way. Also, there are things better not said out loud when there are feelings involved that might be hurt, especially if it’s not yours. Plus, I think the ABC-DEF part might have come out too strong. So by writing it I can say… Came what may… and now I also spoke my peace.