Simple things worth celebrating

I’ve always thought, or at least try to remind myself often, that the simple things in life are worth celebrating. Although as we get older it gets harder and harder to just sit back, relax and smell the roses, this last weekend I had many “simple moments” that I’m still savoring till today.

I moved to the States about a year and a half ago, and on Saturday I had a 1st timer… I saw my 1st shooting star since I moved!!! For a Sun, Moon and Stars enthusiast as I was growing up, it was a moment worth celebrating, and so I did. I was so blown away I couldn’t even think of a wish, but at that moment I didn’t have to ask for anything else… I saw a shooting star in California!

On Sunday, after I got home from going hiking with a friend, I decided to walk to a park near by and “just be”. No music, no books, no company, just myself and the world around me. I just laid on the grass and immersed myself in the moment. Surprisingly enough, it turned into an afternoon of sounds. The sounds of kids laughing, running around. The sounds of the cars driving by on the highway near by. The sound of dogs barking, a couple laughing, runners’ shoes hitting the ground. The more in tuned I was with sounds, the slower the world around me appeared to be. A kid must have been playing with bubbles close by because I was even able to appreciate a bubble going up and then disappearing on thin air. Simple things that we sometimes miss.

Having wonderful friends to spend time with is great and comforting, but sometimes we have to get back to being in tuned with ourselves, to step out of the new comfort zone and just enjoy the simple things in life :)

Say what you need to say… per John Mayer ;)

That’s what I’ve been doing all week long, which is why I think it was funny AND refreshing I listened to John Mayer’s new song on the radio last Friday morning, on my way to work (I think it’s new, at least new to me). Long song short, it says repeatedly, say what you need to say.

Although my major is in Communications, PR and Advertising, I still find it hard to say what I need to say, when I need to say it. It was something we never did when I was growing up, and it kinda’ hasn’t changed... up until now. Since I’ve been in California, I’ve met incredible people that have changed my life forever and have been my "Opening Up for DUMMIES" to learn how to open up. Some have challenged me in ways that has brought out the best side of me, and others have put my ideals and patience to the test.

In any case, I’ve been learning how to communicate when I’ve really felt the need to say what I need to say. Although it takes me a while to nurture the courage and voice down the anger, in some cases, I’ve been able to some how, verbalize what needed to be said. And that, ladies and gentleman, is a huge step for me.

I think I’ve been lucky enough to have songs play on the radio at the right moment, come home to the book I’ve been reading at a chapter that “walks me through”, and also the support of friends that understand where I’m coming from and can help me put things into perspective.

I still have a long way to go and some things I need to say. Though, I’ve also learn to understand that there should be a time and a place to do so. Although I need to say some things, the receptor of the information should have the same opportunity to receive the information, canalize it, and say anything back if and when he/she feels like so.

I’m opening up, and I feel refreshed. I guess moving forward, I’ll keep following John Mayer’s advice…

I’m kinda’ lost…

So, this year is already ¼ gone, and I can say that at least some of the things I told myself I was going to do, change, improve, etc., I’ve done, changed, improved, etc. Though, I have not been committed to the blog. I guess I’ve been afraid of putting my thoughts out there, and become too vulnerable, since a lot of the things that I could have talked about would expose a side of me that I’ve kept to myself for a really long time. But I guess today, feeling a bit kinda’ lost, and my PMS kicking in giving me a bad case of mood swings plagued with nostalgia, sadness and too much emotion, I feel the need to write… yeah, yeah… type.

I just came back from being out of town for a couple of days and went back to work knowing that end of quarter meant I had a bunch of stuff to get done… and then the mood swings kicked in. So, as I tried to hold everything in, and avoid picking up the phone so I could get everything done and avoid the emotions, I stumbled upon one of those moments where something that had never been clear before, just kinda’ unfolds. I somehow could put myself in my grandma’s shoes, and understood why she has kept herself inside four walls and not put herself out there after she divorced my grandfather. Because it is freaking scary knowing that after you’ve opened up, closed your eyes and taken a leap of faith, at the end you could get hurt.

I think growing up around my grandma and listening to her say with so much hurt what happened more than 30 years ago, on a consistent basis, has made it really hard for me to open up, close my eyes and take a leap of faith. Even more when the few times that I’ve closed one eye (I always kept the other one open, just in case), I’ve got burnt with 3rd degree burns, not literally.

And now, at the age of 25, although I can understand somehow that part of my grandma’s life, I’m kinda’ lost… I thought I was ready to close both eyes and be open to what comes. But what comes is unknown... and what’s unknown is scary. And thus, I slightly want to retreat back into my comfort zone, and keep myself locked up in my bubble so that I don’t get hurt. But I guess I’m past the safe zone. My emotions are talking to me louder than they have had in such a long time, so although I keep fighting myself so I don’t quiet them down, I also owe it to myself to see what comes, even if what comes hurt.

I just hope I could have a GPS to the soul… to take me there, open up, and lead the way. I’m kinda' lost… and hope I can find my way… come what may, may what come.