Thursday, March 15, 2007

Putting all the pieces together

So lately I’ve been thinking about, I guess, too many things. How fast time is going, the next book I want to read, how many pounds I want to lose, what I want to do in sunny California (now that it’s warmer up in my area), going back to school, starting the book, how much money I want to save (ahem, get out of debt first of course), what I want to do ‘when I grow up’… and the thoughts just keep coming.

I guess we all have a million things running inside our heads that somehow, someway, we just have to make it all come together. But, how do we do that? How can we keep track of everything and don’t have anything falling through the cracks? I see so many people running there lives, literally, and they all look like they just know how to keep it together. I guess been young, or as most people tell me “just starting off”, I still have a long way to go before I figure that one out. If it wasn’t that I still just want to grab a big chunk of the pie, NOW!

And not just one pie, I want to take big chunks out of a bunch of pies. And it seems that my pies are ‘way up there’. Some might call me a dreamer; I like to think of myself as a believer. I believe I’ll lose those 5-7 pounds I’ve been dragging, I believe I’ll get in to the grad school I want to go to, I believe I’ll get to write the book, I believe I’ll be where I want to be five years from now. But, I also believe that I have to work for all of those things. So, NOW I’m doing the hard work. NOW I’m exercising (although I have been slacking a bit this last week). NOW I’m getting out of that horrible disease called credit card debt so that I don’t drag that into grad school. NOW I’m putting my thoughts on paper so that I can have the ‘warm up’ for the book. NOW, I think, I’m putting all the pieces together so that I can have the ‘grown up life’ I’ve been dreaming about, a few years down the road.

I do know that a lot of things take time. I don’t want to say I’ve learned it the hard way, but it hasn’t been the easiest way either. But I’m willing to do the work NOW, and try to put all the pieces together. I’ll have my piece of the pie; heck, maybe I’ll have the entire pie. As long as I can look back and contemplate how it all came together and be proud of myself, I’ll be happy with all the effort. Even if I can’t have a piece of every single pie I wanted, the life that I’m living NOW makes it all worth while. Plus, if I can’t have a piece of the ‘creamy chocolate cheese pie’, then at least I'll know I saved half the calories of one of those 5-7 pounds I’m working on NOW!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Is enough, enough?

I’ve crossed my path with a young brave girl whose life has been, more than probably, harder than mine, my relatives, friends and people I know, all combined. I met her for the first time just yesterday, although I’ve known about her for awhile. I had been waiting for her to come back from the run and back to the shelter, where she has been more than once before. We had never been introduced, and I know, for sure, I was way more nervous than she was, that’s if she was nervous at all.

Can’t remember how I first started the conversation, all I know is that somehow I managed to learn a lot about her in that first half hour. She even told me about a book she was reading and I made a note to buy it first thing after our meeting.

I bought it and, just by page nine I hit the first ‘I have to underline this’ part. It said: “There comes a time when you’re losing a fight that it just doesn’t make sense to keep on fighting. It’s not that you’re being a quitter, it’s just that you’ve got the sense to know when enough is enough”.

Although it’s a book for the “young reader”, as the big book stores have labeled that section where I got the book from, I’ve only got to Chapter 3 and already am scratching my head. In a good sense, though. It’s just that, here was this young brave girl, reading a book about a 10 year old boy who runs away and has a list of his own “rules and things to have a funner life and make a better liar of yourself”. A book about a boy who, more than certainly, she can identify with, as both have had a really tough life.

Has she got to that point where enough is enough? Unfortunately, her future is still uncertain, and thinking she has hit that spot is not a safe bet. But, it makes me think about all of us who do have that power to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. All of us who do have alternatives, who do have a helping hand, who do have the resources, who DO know better than to stick around and wait to see what happens.

Those of us who have the power to quit our jobs, to get out of an abusive relationship, to stop complaining about been over weight, to stop whining about what we’ve always wanted to do and make it happen, to step out of our comfort zones…

Some battles are over the moment they started, some aren’t over ‘till they’re over. You won’t know what will happen by standing still. My young brave friend has gone into battle many times, and I don’t see her standing still. She knows is a tough world out there. She’s been there and has come back.

Would you?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Counting blessings

Some of us, if not all of us, sometimes find ourselves complaining about the why’s and how come’s in our lives. I won’t give examples…don’t see why I should waste time on those. Rather, I’ll name many of the blessings I was reminded of today.

Like having a mom who was always there for us and woke up at 5am for years to go to work so that she could send us to a good school and have food on the table each day. For all my friends who have always been there, even with hundreds, even thousands of miles separating us physically. For all the angels that have crossed my path and have opened up doors or closed some old wounds. For having a second chance with my dad, from a better place in my life, one where I can understand and see how great of a human being he is. For waking up each day with a smile on my face, (although I’m not a morning person, ahem). For listening to a good song on my way to work, and getting out of my car happy and ready to start the day. For the weekend at the beach, the day at the park, the unexpected compliment, the sun shinning and the birds singing…

I guess I can continue counting my blessings, but don’t think I’ll be able to stop any time soon. I’m fortunate to have the life I’ve had, and still look forward to what’s ahead. I hope life keeps me grounded so I never forget my blessings, and I’m able to pay it forward in multiples of 100.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Carving the way

Why is it that the small things in life are the ones that give you the most satisfaction? That song that makes you smile all day long, the unexpected phone call from a friend you haven’t talked with for awhile or watching pictures of ‘way back when’.

Lately, for me, it has been all of the above, so I can’t complaint. Though, the best one of all has been reconnecting with friends. It has been amazing how life brings back those that for one reason or another stepped out of your life, just at the right moment and it feels like time never went by. In fact, if it wasn’t for one of them I wouldn’t have started this blog, although it had been running in my head for awhile.

It has been great seeing how things have been aligning themselves carving the way to achieve the goals I've set for this year and how friends have been such an instrumental part of it. Been able to share this with them makes it all worth while.

I am so lucky!

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Dinner, laughs and some memories

For the first time since I moved to what has been the best second chance I have had, California, I had a friend visit me, while on a business trip. It was nice for me to actually show somebody where I live, where I hang out and just share how wonderful life has been for me lately.

While having dinner at the best sushi place I’ve been so far, where flavors are blended in ways unimaginable, we shared memories, laughs and good times. She told me about her moving in with her boyfriend (that guy that we had talked about months ago when it all was just starting), the changes in her life as she moved miles away from home to give it a chance, and how she never thought she would have done something like that.

Just that made me think again about how life sometimes ‘just knows better’. How we might plan the perfect life, the perfect relationship, and then we get it, but wrapped up in a different package. And then we are put in a situation were a decision must be made that will ultimately take you back a few steps, or take you forward. And so, my friend took a leap forward and I can’t be more proud of her. Her courage to give it a try, to step out, reminds me that sometimes life is filled with unpredictable strings of circumstances that will test us and set edges which we must learn to polish.

I think the best friends in life are those who teach you the most without any effort, other than that of been a genuine human being. I don’t regret the steps I’ve taken, or cry over the walls I’ve had to brake on my way out of my comfort zone, because the friends that I’ve made on my journey have made it all worth while.

To my friends from Puerto Rico who saw the rough sketches of the person I am today and am still working to become, to my friends from Denver (one in Texas now) who saw me through rough times, and to my friends from California who have given me a new definition of life… I can’t say this enough, thank you

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Win-win situation at crossroads

Many sometimes get to a point in their lives where situations just seem to push them away from their comfort zone and in into a crossroad. If this rings a bell, congratulations. It’s probably because you’ve done so much, you’ve gone so far, you’ve lived the dream… and now you want more.

Now is just a matter of keeping the bell ringing, I mean, the ball rolling. Yes, it started rolling the moment you asked yourself ‘what’s next’. It kept rolling while you were searching on the Internet for possibilities, when you verbalized your desire for a change and when you wrote down steps to take to make ‘what’s next’ a reality.

What beholds? You’ll see how every single step taken and action made will account to help you get closer to your next adventure. As you get closer, you’ll embrace the past and look upon the future. You’ll see why at crossroads, is a win-win situation.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Prince charming, bottom line and other things here and there

After a few consecutive weekends scheduling my time to hang out with a few prospective significant others, it was nice to finally have time to be alone, with my thoughts that is. And that’s because, if there’s a comfort zone I’ve got the most used to is that of been the single gal’ enjoying been single. Although most of the people I know are either married with children, most recently married, or already divorced, I’m still one of those (as society would put it) still single. Does it bother me? Not at all. Do I want a significant other? Absolutely.

So what to do, what to do… put myself out there!!!! How to do it, there’s the challenge (yes, it is a challenge, at least for me). After reading a book that opened up some old wounds, cleared my mind from destructive thinking and gave me a new found perspective about why I might still be single, I’ve taken on the challenge to put myself out there and let some people in into my world, that which I’ve protected for so long. So far…well, I’ve had a few bumps along the ride. Though, there are no regrets. A few bumps here and there are just that, a few bumps. The more I put myself out there, the more I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and somewhere along the path I’ll come across my prince charming (yeah, yeah, I do believe in those too). A weekend away, not literally, from the dating scene helped me put things back into perspective. What am I looking for after all? A few drinks here and there, or my prince charming/partner in crime/company for the journey?

I guess I’m still working on that one. After all, I just stepped out of that comfort zone. I still have some work to do. In the mean time I’ll keep working on making sure I don’t lose focus of my bottom line. Yes, that which in business terms means net income, but in the dating world would be what you can’t do without; what gives you the most without losing yourself. I know I don’t want a relationship in brackets (is in negative, red, losing rather than gaining), or one that just brakes even. I want one that’s profitable. A win-win relationship. Isn’t that what we all should have?

Saturday, March 3, 2007

In the blink of an eye

There are things in life that, when they happen, it just makes us wander why… why could something so terrible happen to someone so fragile and so full of life? And then it hits us. Life changes in the blink of an eye. Sometimes so dramatically that there are no more changes. Life not only happened, it ended.

Having a younger sister is for me, more than having a friend to share stories with, is having someone I can help walk the steps I had skipped, those I didn’t know were there or just avoided, and those that I wish someone would have told me about. So, when a cliff just happened to appear out of nowhere, when life changes in the blink of an eye, I want to be there for her, hold her hand and tell her everything will be alright.

But, miles away from been able to be her shoulder to cry on, to hold her hand and tell her it was in her friend’s life story to only see eighteen candles, it ‘hits home’ and shakes my entire core. How can I tell my younger sister that life just happened, that it was her friend’s time… I’m just out of words, go figure. I’ve never learned what to say, how to deal with it and it keeps shaking my core. I’ve been coaching my sister, pushing her to pursue her goals, to never give up, follow her dreams, and I can’t find the words to be there in this time of sorrow.

I hope she knows that, although I can’t find the words, I’m here for her. That I hope that losing a friend makes her value life and opportunities even more than before. That she finds the strength to keep going and understand that, although life is fragile and sometimes brake, there will be light at the end of the tunnel…

In honor of Miguelina Pomales, RIP

Friday, March 2, 2007

Walls, cliffs, road signs and detours

Been young and wanting to take big chunks out of that piece of pie called life every time I could, made me think that, if I didn’t do it as fast as I could, someone else would be getting my piece of the pie, that I would get ‘there’ just a minute too late. And then… life happens. You hit that big wall, you run off that cliff that you just didn’t see coming and you question yourself... is it just too late?

It is never too late. Just keep moving forward. Looking back only makes you wonder “why did I do this in the first place”, when you should be thinking, “I’ll just remember to keep my eyes on the road and just read those damn signs next time”. Stepping out of your comfort zone is not about looking back regretting that big step, that big leap of faith you took when you wanted to make a change in your life. It’s about looking forward, learning from your mistakes and understanding that those walls and cliffs on the roads are just helping you create your road map towards your new destination. If you hit a wall on your way to a new you, you’ll know that second time around you should just make a left, or a right, or just take a detour, as long as you don’t seat still waiting for the wall to, either disappear from the face of the earth, or just crumble into pieces by snapping your fingers. And that cliff you just didn’t see coming either, just wear rock climbing gear next time so you’ll be able to get back up.
I hit a few walls and fell off of a few cliffs on my way to take that big chunk of the pie. With time, those walls became road signs and those cliffs, just detours. Just remember that every step will take you closer to whatever it is you’re looking for, wherever it is you want to go. It wouldn’t hurt to update your map on a regular basis either. Remember life changes in the blink of an eye...

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Out of the comfort zone... how it all began

When I first decided to step out of my comfort zone I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I guess not knowing, but really wanting to do something to look back and be proud of, was enough encouragement to pack my things and leave ‘home’. Although with time we tend to forget, if not erase the past, I still remember vividly the enthusiasm I felt waiting at the airport terminal and talking to an old couple about the new adventure I was embarking. They looked at me with their ‘you are so young, you should be proud of yourself’ look, that it really made me feel proud of myself. We chatted for awhile and then we all boarded our respective flights.

I arrived at around seven at night, although it looked more like four in the afternoon. I thought I had heard on the news that it was going to be cold that day, and I say thought because I arrived wearing boots, black pants and long sleeve turtleneck to an 80 degrees autumn afternoon, which felt more like summer. I did all the things I had to settle in my new home, a home that, that first day, was filled with no more than my bags, myself and my hope.

From day one I had already learned my first lesson. Being a stubborn ‘I don’t ask for help’ kind of person, by myself and three floors of stairs to take my bags up to, the words just came out of my mouth as if I’ve been saying them for years, “could you please help me…”. Up the stairs and into my new home I said the words I have been saying for years and had taken me so many places… thank you.

And so, I had stepped out of my comfort zone, miles away from home. It was going to be a new beginning, a new life, a new adventure. Now, it’s been 1 year, 4 months and 21 days. I count them all, because all of them count. It’s been days of ups and downs, chattered dreams but endless hope, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.