Friday, January 9, 2009

Out in the world...

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I am applying to grad school after wanting to go back for three years. What you may not know is how hard it has been and how much I’ve thought about life during the process.

The situation has been that (I’ve always refused to use the word “problem”), in order to write the essays I had to do a lot of soul searching, a lot of digging deep and a lot of remembering how I got to where I am today and where I want to be in the future. And the fact is that it brought to surface a lot of those things that somehow got hidden underneath the layers and layers of trying to go about life on my own. Without a cushion to fall back on or at least that I refuse to consider since my only back up plan was, and still is, figuring things out and going with Plan B, whatever that may be at the time.

Like for many of you, my life has been far from perfect. I know… what a shocker, whose has anyways? Though, I’ve realized that the older I’ve got, the more I’ve forgotten about the things that made me who I am. I’d say forgotten, although I sometimes think that I just push things down into a vault as to not remember the bad days, the hard parts… the facts. The fact that growing up we couldn’t afford extracurricular activities, which I died to take part on. Or that my neighbor was the one who took us to school because we didn’t have a car and when college time came around I’d take a two hour bus ride to make it to class, and then back. Or that every time a new year would come around we all hopefully thought… next year… next year will be better. Truth is it just kept getting harder and harder.

Though, I have never given up. And I found a way to make my life and that of those I care about the most better… going back to school to pursue an MBA. And so, the application is in. Yes, application without an “s”. Just one school talked straight to me and made me feel “at home”. Though, a few days before and a few days after, life sent me so many messages that I’ve got a bit overwhelmed.

I met two random human beings that I think came around to remind me of why I was applying to school in the first place. One helped me organize the ideas for the essays that had been going around in circles in my head for MONTHS, and the other helped me define the reason why I want to be a Leader of Consequence, Duke’s business school motto.

Days after, the facts came to surface again. The struggles, my mom’s sacrifices, the reminder of why I want to “put my life on hold” so that the rest of it may look better. At least a part of it. I’m 26 you know!! I’m already thinking about… WAIT, don’t say!! YES, a family. I guess it is true about what they say about our “internal clock”. And so it hit me… maybe it IS meant to be. Maybe it’s life’s way of saying “Way to go! It’s your turn now! You CAN make a difference. You already did, you submitted your application!"

So, (queue Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & The City), “I can’t help but wonder”… is it really meant to be?!

So, for those of you who know me, for those of you who may identify with me, or just those of you who want to wish someone a good thing… cross your fingers so that in two months my acceptance letter comes in.

Oh, and yeah, share this with someone who you think will get a kick, a laugh, a tear or whatever, out of this. Once it’s out into the world… the world can do its part!

No comments: