Yes we can!!!

I grew up in Puerto Rico, an Island just shy of 4,000,000 people and just 100 x 35 miles of land. My parents divorced when I was 7, and my mom became a single mom, head of the household, with 3 kids and no job. I grew up really quick and took on responsibilities that most would agree are not meant for a kid/teenager. Our resources were limited and our circumstances hard. The story of my life? Doubt it. The building blocks of who I am? Absolutely.

I’ve come to learn that there is something about overcoming obstacles that helps build one’s character and define the human being one will forever be. Today, as I watched the 1st African American to become President of the United States, I was reminded of a quote I read over two years ago, and still holds strong in my core: “You are not your circumstances, you are your opportunities”.

Today, as I am part of history, I was reminded of the reason I decided to move thousands of miles away from home. I was reminded that I came to the United States of America because this IS the land of opportunities. I came to the United States of America to prove myself, be my own person, make my own decisions and stand on my own two feet. Has it been easy? Sure hasn’t. But today, my faith in this nation, in the opportunities it can provide, has been restored.

I was reminded that it is not a name, one’s skin color, nor where we come from, that defines who we are. Rather, it is in the understanding of our differences and in finding common ground that we become one with our nation.

I was reminded that one’s life does not have to be defined by circumstances. Obama defined his life by his opportunities, and he defied the odds.

I have faith in this nation, I have faith in Obama! Yes we can!!!

Go Oh!Bama™

Oh! Bama…

I am delighted to be part of this year’s Presidential election. Not only is it my first time voting for a president, it is also the first time that I strongly support a political candidate.

Although I always exercised my right to vote since I turned 18, no one in my family ever knew who I would be voting for. I grew up in Puerto Rico, where politics is considered a sport and most people support their team… no matter what. Even when their team captain (aka Candidate) might be investigated by the FBI, which is the case of one of the candidates for Governor in this year’s election.

Also, almost everyone in my family, if not all, strongly supports one of the main political parties (also no matter what), and I always had a hard time agreeing with their perspective on politics. Thus, I kept my mouth shut and I avoided the confrontation.

Though, this year, I am not the only one in my family voting for a Presidential candidate, and it just so happens that we strongly disagree on who should become our next President. Some of the reasons are based on those “fundamental differences” that have been depicted by the candidates over and over again, that do not leave room for compromising, but, some other reasons are based on pure “media buzz”, and this time, I am not keeping my mouth shut.

I’ve followed the candidates’ debates, read up on about how they got where they are at, have been watching CNN for a more detail coverage of the campaign trail and have kept my eyes open for whatever comes up on the Internet and news. And, one of the most recent “media buzz” reasons my relative uses in her argument is Obama’s “relationship to 1960’s radical William Ayers”. My argument has been, in simple words, that I don’t think the United States would be so dumb as to let anyone that could potentially be a threat to the Nation get even slightly close to running for president. Last time I checked, we still had the US Department of Homeland Security.

Thus, I was satisfied to read that former Secretary of State, Colin Powell, is supporting Barack Obama’s campaign. Not only does this support my argument, but it also reminds us that this election goes well beyond political denomination, race and/or gender. It all comes down to who has the skills, ability and knowledge to get the United States back on track. I moved to the United States because this was, growing up, the land of opportunities. Now, as I also fear about what my future will hold as the economy keeps shacking us up, I trust Obama’s competence to do just that.

Oh, Vote OBAMA!

To read the article about Powell’s endorsement, check out this link: http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/20/powell.endorsement/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Not registered to vote yet? Check out non-partisan Voter Registration website: http://rockthevote.com/

Oh to be young… and learn to go with the flow…

As we get older life either gets more complicated or we learn to go with the flow… I’ve tried to go with the latter since I’m always working on reinventing myself, either by means of a new point of view, new hobby, new goal, or as it has happened in the last 3 years, just a new place to call home.

Although some would debate the decisions that I’ve made and the conclusions I’ve come to about the many things life has thrown at me, looking back I can say I’m happy with them, and I’ve made peace with a lot, if not all, of those that might have caused a few sleepless nights.

Today, as I celebrate one more year on earth, I also celebrate where I am, and where I’m going. I celebrate the friends I’ve made along the way, the challenges that have made me a stronger and more independent woman, the joys of experiencing new things, the tears of pushing my boundaries to become a better person and the overall satisfaction that comes with seeing the life I've always wanted and how the tools to get there are provided along the way.

Tonight I’ll be celebrating the welcoming to the “late twenties” by doing one of the things that make me the happiest… I’m going Salsa dancing!!! Some of my friends will be joining and I’ll be sharing with them a piece of me that screams Puerto Rican! I’ll be sharing one of the things that reminds me where I’m from, what makes me who I am and what life is all about; I’ve learned to go with the flow by dancing to my own rhythm and always having “the music in me”.

So, if you ever see me walking with a huge smile on my face and kinda’ going side to side, no I haven’t had “one to many”, I’m probably going with the flow with some Salsa music in the background :)

Oh, to be young and celebrate life!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Letting go…

I’ve always been intrigued by Buddhism. And, lately, I've found myself searching about it as I’m looking to find some answers for questions with big question marks. I also picked up a book I read awhile ago, If the Buddha dated, and am finding that by re-reading it, some questions are somewhat answered.

I guess in our search for love, we sometimes lose ourselves as we look for what we think we want in others. And then, when we think we’ve found it, we try to hold on to it, even when what got us there in the first place is clearly not there anymore. But, why?

In my case, and as the book says “longing for a lover is an expression of longing to awaken our hearts, to know love”. Funny enough, that’s what I lost sight of. I wanted to awaken my heart, know love, but as my fears started blinding me, I also lost clearness of reality.

Although it took my awhile to canalize my emotions, I’ve let go of the anger, I’ve let go of the questions, I’ve let go of the fear… there’s a reason for everything, and that’s what I need to remind myself of.

“Buddhism is about self-knowledge, a fearless exploration of all we are, so we can be friends with ourselves. Dating with a Buddhist consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside that kindles fear or anxiety”.

I’m not afraid… I’ve let go…

Roots, rocks, Salsa… this a Salsa music

If you see me Salsa dancing, you might see a hint of my half Cuban, half Puerto Rican roots… Salsa just runs in my veins. I’ve always loved dancing, but never took the time to do it more than just every other family wedding or every other outing 6 months apart that just happened to end up at a Salsa dancing place. Though, 2008 has become the year of me doing the things that make ME the happiest. And, it just so happens that dancing is on top of the list.

There is nothing in this world that makes me happier and more in tune with where I come from than Salsa dancing. Thanks to a really good friend who would always say “let’s go Salsa dancing!” I started dancing on a regular basis. Now, I just can’t get enough of it. Not only is it bringing out my roots, it is also giving me new friends, many nights of joy and an overall sense of satisfaction.

Now, every Wednesday night I have a commitment to myself, my dancing shoes and my new friends. Now, I look forward to every Wednesday!

Thanks Katherine!

Al ritmo de bomba y plena…

For those non-Spanish speakers, that would mean “to the rhythm of bomba y plena”. I know, I know, there are still two Spanish words, but those can’t be translated. Bomba y plena is Puerto Rico’s folkloric dance, dated back to when the Indians and Africans first inhabited the Island. For those of you who may not know how Puerto Ricans came about, we are a mix of Indians, Africans and Spanish. Indians where the first to live there, then came the Spanish when they “conquered” the West and then the Africans who were brought as slaves. (it kinda sounded like a kids song, didn’t it).

Although Puerto Rican’s love dancing and music, our folkloric music is not played on mainstream media. You’ll mostly hear it during festivals or national events. So, to come about MY music while going out Salsa dancing in Mountain View, CA, was as sweet and delightful as a mid-summer night dream. Also, there aren’t many of us in this neck of the woods, so let’s just say I had a moment…

I let the music bring out my roots, loosen up my hips and let my “shake what your mama gave you” side come out. For those 4-5 minutes, I was in heaven. Didn’t bothered if anybody was around me or looking at me. For those few minutes I was Zilaida, the Puerto Rican girl who traveled miles in seconds and went back the Island where the sun is always out, the sand is white and the palm trees remind you the wind is blowing and you are alive.

I shared that moment in time with a really good friend who’ll be moving away for a year to follow her dream, so yes, it was a great moment. I went, I danced, I lived, I am. Boricua aunque naciera en la luna… Puerto Rican even if I was born in the moon.

Came what may…

So it looks like I should have followed my instincts, go with my guts…. And “drop him off the curb” a couple of weeks ago…maybe when I told him I was sick and he chose not to see me to avoid the slight chance of getting sick. Why didn’t I? Don’t know and won’t waste time thinking about it either.

Since I’ve been all about saying what I need to say, I guess I should not hold myself back and write. Not out of resentment, I guess if you take him out of the equation and put someone else in his place I would be feeling the same way, but out of “put it out in the world, and things will get back into place”.

I guess I knew the moment the door opened that there was nothing else there…well, I guess we both knew. Why did he have to speak his peace and ruin what could have been a better way to end the evening off, and everything else for what matters, I don’t know. I do know that HE wanted to make sure I knew that HE just didn’t feel the same way, HE has all these other things HE wants/needs to do, and that HE just wanted to say it in person because HE has to learn how to deal with “this type of situation”? I guess I had seen A,B,C things about him and had missed, or ignored D,E,F, which included selfishness. Ouch! Then again, not resentment, just putting it out there for there world….

My nice side would say that underneath it all HE is still a nice guy and that at some point he might have got scared or overwhelmed , but my “out of my comfort zone” side just thinks that well, it was meant to be the way it did. I had to step out, jump, take a leap… and learn the hard way.

I learned that I should never, ever “make a priority someone for whom I’m only an option”… (Although this one looks more like a reminder that hopefully next time I’ll remember). I also learned that sticking with my instincts will save me time, energy and efforts. And that, although I might not know which of the three or why, HE came into my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I know I could have said this yesterday, but it probably wouldn’t have come out this way. Also, there are things better not said out loud when there are feelings involved that might be hurt, especially if it’s not yours. Plus, I think the ABC-DEF part might have come out too strong. So by writing it I can say… Came what may… and now I also spoke my peace.

Simple things worth celebrating

I’ve always thought, or at least try to remind myself often, that the simple things in life are worth celebrating. Although as we get older it gets harder and harder to just sit back, relax and smell the roses, this last weekend I had many “simple moments” that I’m still savoring till today.

I moved to the States about a year and a half ago, and on Saturday I had a 1st timer… I saw my 1st shooting star since I moved!!! For a Sun, Moon and Stars enthusiast as I was growing up, it was a moment worth celebrating, and so I did. I was so blown away I couldn’t even think of a wish, but at that moment I didn’t have to ask for anything else… I saw a shooting star in California!

On Sunday, after I got home from going hiking with a friend, I decided to walk to a park near by and “just be”. No music, no books, no company, just myself and the world around me. I just laid on the grass and immersed myself in the moment. Surprisingly enough, it turned into an afternoon of sounds. The sounds of kids laughing, running around. The sounds of the cars driving by on the highway near by. The sound of dogs barking, a couple laughing, runners’ shoes hitting the ground. The more in tuned I was with sounds, the slower the world around me appeared to be. A kid must have been playing with bubbles close by because I was even able to appreciate a bubble going up and then disappearing on thin air. Simple things that we sometimes miss.

Having wonderful friends to spend time with is great and comforting, but sometimes we have to get back to being in tuned with ourselves, to step out of the new comfort zone and just enjoy the simple things in life :)

Say what you need to say… per John Mayer ;)

That’s what I’ve been doing all week long, which is why I think it was funny AND refreshing I listened to John Mayer’s new song on the radio last Friday morning, on my way to work (I think it’s new, at least new to me). Long song short, it says repeatedly, say what you need to say.

Although my major is in Communications, PR and Advertising, I still find it hard to say what I need to say, when I need to say it. It was something we never did when I was growing up, and it kinda’ hasn’t changed... up until now. Since I’ve been in California, I’ve met incredible people that have changed my life forever and have been my "Opening Up for DUMMIES" to learn how to open up. Some have challenged me in ways that has brought out the best side of me, and others have put my ideals and patience to the test.

In any case, I’ve been learning how to communicate when I’ve really felt the need to say what I need to say. Although it takes me a while to nurture the courage and voice down the anger, in some cases, I’ve been able to some how, verbalize what needed to be said. And that, ladies and gentleman, is a huge step for me.

I think I’ve been lucky enough to have songs play on the radio at the right moment, come home to the book I’ve been reading at a chapter that “walks me through”, and also the support of friends that understand where I’m coming from and can help me put things into perspective.

I still have a long way to go and some things I need to say. Though, I’ve also learn to understand that there should be a time and a place to do so. Although I need to say some things, the receptor of the information should have the same opportunity to receive the information, canalize it, and say anything back if and when he/she feels like so.

I’m opening up, and I feel refreshed. I guess moving forward, I’ll keep following John Mayer’s advice…

I’m kinda’ lost…

So, this year is already ¼ gone, and I can say that at least some of the things I told myself I was going to do, change, improve, etc., I’ve done, changed, improved, etc. Though, I have not been committed to the blog. I guess I’ve been afraid of putting my thoughts out there, and become too vulnerable, since a lot of the things that I could have talked about would expose a side of me that I’ve kept to myself for a really long time. But I guess today, feeling a bit kinda’ lost, and my PMS kicking in giving me a bad case of mood swings plagued with nostalgia, sadness and too much emotion, I feel the need to write… yeah, yeah… type.

I just came back from being out of town for a couple of days and went back to work knowing that end of quarter meant I had a bunch of stuff to get done… and then the mood swings kicked in. So, as I tried to hold everything in, and avoid picking up the phone so I could get everything done and avoid the emotions, I stumbled upon one of those moments where something that had never been clear before, just kinda’ unfolds. I somehow could put myself in my grandma’s shoes, and understood why she has kept herself inside four walls and not put herself out there after she divorced my grandfather. Because it is freaking scary knowing that after you’ve opened up, closed your eyes and taken a leap of faith, at the end you could get hurt.

I think growing up around my grandma and listening to her say with so much hurt what happened more than 30 years ago, on a consistent basis, has made it really hard for me to open up, close my eyes and take a leap of faith. Even more when the few times that I’ve closed one eye (I always kept the other one open, just in case), I’ve got burnt with 3rd degree burns, not literally.

And now, at the age of 25, although I can understand somehow that part of my grandma’s life, I’m kinda’ lost… I thought I was ready to close both eyes and be open to what comes. But what comes is unknown... and what’s unknown is scary. And thus, I slightly want to retreat back into my comfort zone, and keep myself locked up in my bubble so that I don’t get hurt. But I guess I’m past the safe zone. My emotions are talking to me louder than they have had in such a long time, so although I keep fighting myself so I don’t quiet them down, I also owe it to myself to see what comes, even if what comes hurt.

I just hope I could have a GPS to the soul… to take me there, open up, and lead the way. I’m kinda' lost… and hope I can find my way… come what may, may what come.

New year… new life?

Well, kinda’. The truth is I went home for the holidays and as soon as I was back in California, I moved to a new place with a way much better, and nicer, roommate. So, with just that, it IS a new life.

I’ve loved seeing the new place come together, finding just the right thing for the right spot, and making it all look “put together”.

This year has started really good, and I have no complaints. Lately it has been a lovely, lovely life, and I’m looking forward to what’s yet to come. Keeping the good relationships that started back during my kickball days (*sigh*), nurturing them and enjoying the time well spent.

I made a pinky promise to myself to make the time to post here more often, so it is on my shoulders to keep it. Plus, my new place is filled with good energy… a great place to let my mind wonder for a while…